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Too Many Divorces

 by: Skye Thomas

My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren’t too many divorces, there’s too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or just how big of a commitment they are making. Heck, most people get married before they even know themselves very well. When the reality of it all hits them, they are either stuck in a bad marriage for life, or they get a divorce. Education is the solution.

Know yourself well before committing yourself to a life of marriage to another person. Are you really ready? Are you done playing the field? Do you still have wild oats to sow? Is your career or higher education going to get in the way of your ability to really build a life with someone else? What are your beliefs about marriage? Are you a high maintenance or low maintenance personality? Are you ready for kids? Do you even want kids? How exactly do you plan on raising them? Are you going to be a smothering parent or one who pushes the child into independence? Tough love or doting? What kind of financial lifestyle do you want? Can you achieve it before you have kids or should you wait and have kids later when you’ve set things up just so? How much intimacy do you want, need, prefer? How accommodating are you to other people’s needs? Are you a team player or a bit self indulged? There are no right or wrong answers, you just need to have your eyes wide open for the sake of your future spouse. You need to be able to tell them straight up what it is you’re offering. What exactly does ‘let’s get married’ look like to you?

Know your partner before proposing or accepting their proposal. Are they really ready? Do you trust them not to cheat? What are their career aspirations? What are their spiritual beliefs and how important are they to them? What religion does your partner want to raise your children in? Are they high maintenance or low? Do you have what it takes to please them? Are they the type that will naturally please you without having to force yourselves to take care of each other? Do they want kids? If so, when? What kind of financial lifestyle do they want to raise a family in? Are they the type to want to just dive in and trust that everything will turn out okay or do they have a plan that they’re going to want you to agree to and follow with them? What is their parenting style and beliefs? How much intimacy does your partner like? How well do they compromise with others? Again, there are no right or wrong answers, but you need to know these things about the other person before agreeing to marry them.

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I heard a wonderful New Age definition of marriage recently. They said marriage is the act of agreeing to live out someone else’s karma with them. So ask yourself, what’s my partner’s karma look like? What goes around comes around. What are they putting out into the world? And what kind of energy are you putting out into the world? Would it be fair to ask someone to join you in your karma? Be honest.

Young people really need to be educated as to what marriage is. So many girls accept the first proposal that comes along assuming it’s the best they’ll ever get. I think the fear that we’ll be alone makes us afraid to say no to someone who isn’t necessarily the right partner for us. I suspect the boys proposing are doing the same thing. Our fear of being alone and our low self-esteems make us desperate to couple up without really checking out who we’re going to be with and what it is we have to offer them. Add to that the dizzyingly wonderful high that first comes along with falling in love and it’s almost more than folks can handle. It’s only natural that we would want to stay on that high forever. When we’re young, we think that the high will last forever if we get married. We’re committing to the emotions, not to the cold hard facts of who we are, who they are, and what marriage together would really end up looking like. It’s very difficult to do, and much easier said than done, but young kids need to take a step back and seriously look at these questions before moving forward with marriage commitments.

The adults I know who have gone through repeat marriages and divorces are all still making that same mistake. They’re marrying the rush of emotions before doing their homework and finding out who they’re actually in love with. We are in love with being in love. Beautiful stuff, but often a sure formula for divorce once reality hits. If we can learn how to take a step back and bring our heads in where our hearts have taken over, I think we could save ourselves a lot of heartache down the line. Yeah, we probably wouldn’t get married as early in life, because it will take a while to find the right one. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The older and wiser we are, the better the chances that we’re going to be able to openly and honestly present ourselves to potential mates.

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As a society, if we would just wait for the right one to come along, we’d see a huge drop in the divorce rate. There will always be weird unexpected things that happen, but overall marriage would actually have a fighting chance at being a happily ever after thing again. Choose wisely and hold it sacred when you do find that special someone. Know just how rare and special they are. And give thanks daily once you find them.

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Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow’s Edge

About The Author Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net. Skye@TomorrowsEdge.net

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The Single Most Important Reason You Are
Not as Effective as You Can Be!

Self-Judgment is sabotaging your professional efforts learn how to
STOP it!

I work with clients daily to clarify their efforts toward success and to see what is hobbling them in that process. After over twenty years of this I see over and over again how some form of self-judgment and self-criticism is the major culprit. I see how it establishes self-doubt, stops possible solutions from developing, and diminishes the vision and energy of what could be. It keeps many people within the realm of what they have already learned and not taking new strides forward. What steps would you take in your business, what results would you expect, what would you dare if judgment wasn t present? It may be a more important question than you even realize! For many people this dynamic is silent and is like the air that they breathe. For others it is loud and clear but accepted as just the way they are. So the question is Who is in Charge Anyway? Is it some idea based on your cumulative experience, some old voice that has haunted you for years or is it the full force of your vision and your creative ability?

All self-judgment is a reflection of learning from the past. It is the fabric of things you were taught by your parents, teachers, religion, media images and constantly offers you advice, evaluations, information about how short you are falling. Self-judgment creates ideas and images of who we think we need to be in order to be acceptable. Its action is very cruel because it attacks the core of who you are. Many people when life has been inexplicably difficult for some time call themselves a failure; if they make a mistake they call themselves stupid they repeat what they were taught somewhere along the line. Often when I am working with a client they will cling to some self-judgment saying, But it s true I did fail at that . The issue is how that is used to diminish yourself. It is very different to recognize you made an error than it is to attack yourself saying you are a failure. In the first instance you may be able to look objectively at what has happened and find a solution. I n the second instance you end up feeling small, worthless and helpless.

Operating within an inner or outer atmosphere of judgment deprives us of a large percentage of our creativity and connection to our deepest acceptance and therefore access to the deeper qualities of functioning. Self-judgment keeps old limiting beliefs about our selves in place and often prevents us from creating what is that we truly want and from achieving broader levels of success. Often judgments are felt as: criticisms, condemnations, guidelines, motivators, accusations, advice, rejections, suggestions, comparison & questions. They have energetic effects including: loss of energy, anger, tension, depression, anxiety, heat, weakness, restlessness, deadness & numbness. The feelings generated in us are to dislike and to reject ourselves.

Because they seem generated from inside us and are largely unconscious we don t recognize them as attacks and do not know how to defend against them. Attacking ourselves is a major source of self-betrayal and sabotage. Attacking others is an important cause of separation and alienation.

The first step in learning how to dis-engage from self-judgment is to begin developing awareness of it. As I said sometimes it is like the air you breathe, so much a part of you that you can t identify it. When this is true I often ask clients to notice it s results: when you feel small, helpless, when you are walking into a meeting and anxiety is high, when you suddenly erupt when someone misunderstands you, when you feel collapsed in the face of someone or something. During these circumstances I ask clients to notice if they are judging themselves and then begin to notice the voice or energy of judgment: I ll never get this right I m useless etc., etc. Self-judgment diminishes you and these are some of its hallmarks. When you become more aware of it you then have an opportunity to begin finding ways to stop it.

One of the things that self-judgment accomplishes is to keep you in a very old internal relationship. Because the basis of most of these judgments is in childhood- when we were told how to behave, when a look made us feel there was something wrong with us and we better adjust ourselves quickly, when we learned the standards that were expected of us, when we felt awkward and incapable when these arise again we are energetically back in that situation and robbed of our power. So the thrust of work with self-judgment is to finally cut that relationship to bring the support for yourself back home to you and not resident in a list of rules and regulations spoken or unspoken that told you who you were supposed to be.

In working with clients I have come up with an acronym that covers 5 of the basic strategies of dis-engagement. The acronym is SPACE because that is what occurs when you are successful at stopping self-judgment you have SPACE just to be who you are, SPACE to develop yourself, your real talents and what it is you want to do in the world.

STRENGTH: Access your natural indignation when you recognize how damaging self-judgment is and the toll it takes on your life and your aliveness. Use this STRENGTH to literally tell the judgment to stop.

PLAY: When a self-judgment arises you can use humor to disarm it i.e. you can say to the judgment Yeah right I am the stupidest person in the whole area. or I only let bullies say that to me. Be absurd about it so there is nowhere for the judgment to stick. Be like teflon not fly-paper.

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AWARENESS: Use a sensing exercise to keep you present as self-judgment always accesses the past or future. The more you are in the present the less a judgment can arise. Notice the many ways in which self-judgment comes up and notice the immense toll it takes on your aliveness, your creativity, and your joy. When you are feeling particularly tried, deflated, fearful, or anxious look around and notice if there has been a self-judgment and find away to desist from it.

COMPASSION: Let yourself really be aware of the pain that self-judgment creates in you and how it sets up situations that support the belief of the self-judgment. Notice it in others and how it damages them. Allow this recognition to bring up your natural compassion for anyone in pain and use it to support your determination to stop engaging in internal attacks.

ENVISION: Allow yourself to imagine what your life and you would be like if judgment were never around. Feel the deep safety and support of that, feel the aliveness that is present. Nourish yourself with this feeling and know that this is what you are creating in your life.

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When you have successfully dis-engaged you can feel an energetic shift. You feel strong, intact, in the moment and accepting of yourself- you feel freer. I believe this are of work is one of the most important in developing satisfaction in your business and in your personal life. I have only skimmed the surface in this short article. I invite you to attend a workshop or teleclass that will develop your skill in working with this issue.

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The workshop will be Saturday, February 26th , 10am-2pm. Click here for details.
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A teleclass is a class conducted over the phone. I reserve a bridge line which allows many people to call into the same number. On this group call, I guide the students through the material and exercises. Our teleclass will be limited to three 60-minute calls. The dates are:
Wednesday, February 23rd at 8pm EST
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Feel the truth of what you are and at the same moment act. Risk yourself for what you know is right and true.

Fredrick Douglas, escaped slave from an Independence Day speech

About the Author

Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or mailto:connie@conniebutler.biz.
Ms. Butler is an international coach, published author and radio personality.

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As most lawyers know, legal recruiters have become a fact of life. Although telephone calls from recruiters may seem intrusive or even annoying during a hectic workday, a savvy lawyer (even one not interested in changing jobs) should not ignore these calls.

Instead, you should take a moment to listen before deciding whether or not to continue the conversation. By speaking briefly with a recruiter, you can gain valuable information about the legal market and your marketability. Moreover, you can develop a relationship with someone who can be an invaluable asset to your career, either now or in the future.

This article is intended to help you evaluate legal recruiters and get the most out of working with them. With the number of legal recruiters continually multiplying, it is more important than ever to carefully choose whom to work with and to know how to form a successful relationship.

I. Before You Choose A Recruiter

Define your reasons for looking and your career goals. What aspects of your current job are unsatisfactory? What criteria are you seeking in your ideal job?

Be flexible. Having figured out exactly what you re looking for, understand that you may need to be flexible. Although the ideal job may be hard to find, you would be surprised how a few small changes can substantially increase your job satisfaction. You should avoid relying on generalities when evaluating potential opportunities.

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For instance, categorically excluding all large firms from your search may dissuade a recruiter from telling you about an opportunity that (other than size) matches all of your criteria.

Update your resume. Tailor your resume to the position you are seeking. Also, be as descriptive as possible. For example, it is better to write took and defended approximately 20 depositions than to simply state experience with depositions.

Obtain a copy of your final law school transcript. Every law firm requires a transcript at some stage in the process. Many firms will not even review your resume until they receive your transcript.

Think about potential references. Most law firms and companies perform reference checks. These are typically conducted after an employer has made you a contingent offer. However, it is advisable to determine who your references will be prior to interviewing.

Select a writing sample. Many law firms require a writing sample before they will make an offer, and some require it before the first interview. Choose your writing sample with great care. A single typographical error can mean the difference between a job offer and a rejection.

II. Choosing A Legal Recruiter

Make sure the recruiter is a member of NALSC (National Association of Legal Search Consultants). NALSC is the only national professional organization of legal search consultants and its members must adhere to a strict Code of Ethics.
(Copies of the Code can be obtained from NALSC members or through NALSC directly).

Demand confidentiality. A recruiter should unequivocally guarantee you complete confidentiality. Do not hesitate to ask what steps he or she takes to keep your search confidential.

Ensure control by express authorization. A recruiter should never submit your resume anywhere without your prior express authorization. An unauthorized submission is not only unethical, but it also severely compromises your confidentiality. Unscrupulous recruiters (unfortunately there are some) have been known to submit a resume en masse without the attorney s consent.

If a recruiter sends your resume anywhere without your prior express authorization, you should report this unethical conduct to NALSC.

Evaluate the recruiter s knowledge. A recruiter should know about the position(s) he or she is profiling (e.g., requirements of the position, size and composition of the firm and/or practice group, firm culture). A recruiter should also know about the legal market in which he or she works (e.g., Chicago).

Be wary of recruiters with grandiose claims. Some recruiters claim to have exclusive arrangements with employers. This claim may be true, but exclusives (especially with law firms) are rare. Recruiters have also been quoted as saying that they know of every opportunity in town. Although a few of the older and more respected search firms in Chicago may know about the vast majority of positions, it is highly unlikely that any one recruiting firm will know about every single available position in Chicago.

Often such claims are nothing more than an attempt to ensure that you only use that recruiter. Using only one recruiter is a personal choice and should not be forced by such deceptive tactics.

Do not sign an exclusive agreement with a recruiter. Some recruiters require candidates to agree in writing at the outset of their relationship to work only with them.

Not only does this foreclose potential opportunities through other recruiters, it is unlikely that you will know at this stage whether you like this recruiter and whether he or she will do the best job for you.

Forcing you to sign an exclusive agreement is often a bullying tactic. Loyalty should be earned, not forced. There are very limited circumstances when it is acceptable for a recruiter to ask you to work with him or her exclusively. This may be appropriate if the recruiter knows that there are a finite number of firms that would be a good fit for you due to your credentials, practice area or other specifics.

However, even in these rare circumstances where an exclusive relationship may be appropriate, a written agreement is never necessary.

Beware of the overly aggressive recruiter. A good recruiter should be enthusiastic and responsive. He or she should not try to push you into a job by disparaging your firm or misrepresenting an opportunity to make it more attractive. If you think a recruiter is too pushy or aggressive, chances are employers feel the same, which could hinder your job search at its inception.

III. Using A Legal Recruiter

Keep all information disclosed by a recruiter confidential. Just as the recruiter should keep all of your information confidential, the reverse is equally important. The foundation of a recruiter s business is information, and anything he or she discloses to you is confidential and proprietary.

If a recruiter tells you about a specific job opportunity, you should not contact that employer directly or disclose this information to another recruiter or person. If you want to be considered for a position disclosed by a recruiter, you should submit your resume through that recruiter. Mutual confidentiality is the key to a successful relationship.

Be honest with your recruiter. It is imperative that you disclose all relevant background information fully and accurately to your recruiter. For example, if you failed a law school class or were fired from a job, tell your recruiter before he or she submits you for a position. A good recruiter can help you handle such negative information in a way that will not foreclose job options.

When working with more than one recruiter, maintain accurate records and keep everyone fully informed. You should keep records of:

(1) all opportunities disclosed to you and when they were disclosed;

(2) who disclosed each opportunity to you (e.g., friend, colleague, recruiter);

(3) where and when your resume has been submitted; and

(4) who submitted your resume to each employer. Please be aware that if you submit your resume (through recruiters or otherwise) to the same employer (knowingly or not) more than once within a six month
period, the employer probably will not interview you.

Duplicate submissions of your resume should be avoided at all costs, because they reflect poorly on you (e.g., employers may think you lack attention to detail or are desperate). If you keep your recruiter(s) up to date on your job search and maintain accurate records, you will avoid such problems.

Keep your recruiter advised of all relevant developments. You should always let your recruiter know of any changes in your practice skills or career goals. Such information can greatly impact on your marketability. In addition, you should let him or her know when your interviews are scheduled and share your feedback immediately after each interview. Remember, your recruiter acts as a liaison between you and the employer and can help you address any issues that may arise.

Maximize the relationship. A good recruiter can provide you with invaluable assistance during your job search that goes beyond simply identifying opportunities.

Such assistance can be in the form of:

(1) reviewing and, if necessary, revising your resume;

(2) proofreading your writing sample;

(3) supplying background information on prospective employers;

(4) preparing you for job interviews;

(5) discussing the advantages and disadvantages of various job offers;

(6) negotiating compensation and benefits; and

(7) facilitating the transition to your new job.

A successful relationship with a legal recruiter will significantly increase your chances of finding a more satisfying position.

With your help, a good recruiter can:

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(1) identify more positions that match your interests, since many firms and companies do not advertise their openings;

(2) provide valuable assistance to you during every stage of your job search, such as giving you information about potential employers so you can better evaluate your options; and

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(3) accelerate your search and make it far less time consuming for you, allowing you to focus on your current job while your recruiter focuses on advancing your career.

So the next time a recruiter calls you, take a moment to listen to what he or she has to say. Even if you have no immediate interest in exploring other opportunities, it is wise to establish a relationship with an ethical and reputable recruiter. This will ensure that you don t miss out on that ideal job.

——————————————————————————–

Craig M. Hoetger, Esq., formerly a legal recruiter with Chicago Legal Search, Ltd., received his J.D. from the University of Michigan Law School in 1993. He previously practiced labor and employment law at Matkov Salzman Madoff & Gunn and Jackson Lewis Schnitzler & Krupman.

Jennifer H. Seelicke, Esq., formerly a legal recruiter with Chicago Legal Search, Ltd., received her J.D. from California Western School of Law in 1996. She previously practiced land use and environmental law at Seltzer Caplan McMahon & Vitek.

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Adult Continuing Education is Healthy for You

 by: Ian McAllister

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Adult continuing education is very practical. Seniors have several advantages over children.

• Better memory (truly!)
• Experience
• Fewer distractions

Better memory

Doctors thought that you couldn’t grow new brain cells, so as old cells died you became more stupid. They now know that the more adult continuing education, the more new brain cells you get. You can even delay Alzheimer’s disease by keeping your brain active.

But old people keep forgetting things! That’s true, because what you remember best are startling, new, shocking things. To an old person it’s a case of “been there, done that”. Nothing is new or shocking.

However, you often have to learn boring things, and there you have an advantage. Seniors trounced the kids in a test of memorizing meaningless words. My book about exams will show you how to make your adult continuing education more exciting, which cuts kid’s advantage over your memory.

Experience

You learn from the known to the unknown. So it’s logical that the more experience you have, the more you can think “yes… that’s right… it’s just like…” I am 65 years old now and I can say that my adult continuing education keeps getting easier because there are always relevant things in my experience.

Distractions

You may have distractions at work still, but let’s face it, are they really as obsessive as your teenage interests? You aren’t going to have to choose between going out on a date and doing some study. You might have to choose between having a nap and study, but my book about exams shows a way round that problem. I’m using it right now!

Exams

Just as your three advantages apply to study, they apply to exams. Were you sick with nerves in your school exams? Your life-career depended on your performance. Now it would be nice to pass, but your experience tells you that you will survive failure, and land on your feet again…so less nerves.

Unless children have wealthy or helpful parents they can’t afford resources that you can afford. For instance, they can afford my free report on writing essays, but not my eBook about passing exams. If you live in a country with timed local phone calls, kids may not be able to do much research on the internet because it costs too much.

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There are ways to become a lightning calculator and ways to develop a super memory, and you can afford them all. If you want to learn a language you can probably even afford to get a “superlearning” course that teaches you the language in only fifteen hours.

Why Adult Continuing Education

All right, you have advantages, but why should you bother with adult continuing education?

• Prevents brain deterioration
• Retraining for a new job
• Self employment

I’ve already covered the effect of study on the brain. You get new brain cells.

In modern times you can only expect to keep one job for a short time. You are going to need to retrain for your next job.

Self-employment. You can’t be sacked if you are self-employed, but you can go broke. It is best to develop your home business part-time until it is earning you twice as much as your job. Then if you are retrenched from your job you won’t care.

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Then you won’t need to worry about adult continuing education any more will you? Oops… you will need to keep learning even more when you have your own business. For instance, you are going to have to learn book-keeping unless you can afford an accountant to do the work. If you have to employ people, you will need to learn the laws that apply.

How should you learn?

I prefer to use a correspondence coursefor my adult continuing education, but the big advantage of attending classes is that you can get your questions answered instantly.

My book about exams shows you how to find answers on the internet. You will probably find lots of eBooks about what you want to learn. But will I ever see what I buy on the internet? …you may ask.

Think about it. How much more does it cost an eBook vendor to supply 100 eBooks than it costs for one? That’s right… nothing! If it costs me nothing to supply an eBook, why should I try to rob you? I keep buying new eBooks myself and have never failed to get what I paid for. You can definitely get an adult continuing education online.

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Once you’ve been signing with your baby for several weeks or months and your baby has mastered the basic signs that cover his or her needs (such as milk, more, eat, drink, etc.), you will probably want to expand his or her signing vocabulary (as well as your own).

The world around you and your child award you with countless opportunities to do just this. You can teach your baby a sign that has significance to almost any situation you may find yourselves in.

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Family members are a great way to start expanding your child’s vocabulary. Starting with “mother” and “father” plus any siblings is a good way to begin, and you can create name signs for family members. One good suggestion I’ve heard from parents is to use the first letter of the person’s name in a way that reminds you of that person. Say Aunt Samantha is a nurse - you could use the letter “s” on the wrist to combine the first letter of her name with her occupation.

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Holidays and events are also interesting ways to spice up the signing activities. Think of objects you baby may see around your house that he or she may not be too sure of. For example, during Christmas, Corbin learned the signs for “Santa,” “tree,” “lights,” and “party.” It’s also a good way to introduce your child to your culture and/or religion.

The natural world offers many things to learn about. Take a walk and teach your baby the signs for the animals he or she sees and signs for “flower” or “tree,” “sky” or “clouds.” Night time is a good opportunity to show your baby the sign for “moon,” “bed,” or “sleep.” Take advantage of your daily routine to add signs to your baby’s growing vocabulary.

Books are a great source of inspiration for us. We have books of all kinds, and the ones Corbin likes to sign with the best are the animal books. Babies love animals and this is a great way to introduce animal signs.

Television may not be the best activity for your baby or child, but when you do watch TV together make the most out of it by signing the things your baby sees on the screen. This way the TV becomes an interactive learning tool for your child.
All you, as a parent, have to do it recognize good opportunities for signing and act upon them when they present themselves. If you use ASL, look up signs beforehand and be ready to use them when the opportunity arises, and if you make up your signs, it’s as easy as using a little creativity. Good luck!

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About the Author

Monica Beyer is the mother of two sons and has been signing with her younger son for over 1 year. Visit her website at http://www.signingbaby.com or email her at monica@signingbaby.com

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Fresh, Fun Music for the Whole Family
Music Spotlight Interview with Chip Richter
By Lisa M. Hendey

The gift of music is a wonderful thing to share with our children and musician Chip Richter makes it even better. I was so happy to discover Chip s music, which I ve been sharing lately with my own family. Chip Richter and his family live in Ohio, and for the past ten years he s spent his summers at a family resort called Lakeside, creating and sharing the type of music you d be pleased to share with your children. A far cry from Barney or even those Disney sing-along type things you may have at home, Chip s music is great in that it appeals to both kids and grown ups! Recently, Chip has been at work recording his new CD, Lost in Lakeside. Additionally, this summer he will be promoting literacy and music with several library tours, as well as an appearance at the Annual Conference of the California Reading Association.

I had a chance to catch up with Chip and am pleased to share his comments on his music and sharing music with our families.

Q: Chip, could you please start off by telling our readers a bit about yourself and your music?

A: Well, I m a husband and father of three I ve always said that being a dad is the best thing I ll ever do. I m also a singer-songwriter and musician. I was born and raised in Ohio, lived a few years in New York and then southern California and now I m back in Ohio where we re raising our family. I started playing guitar when I was 13 years old and started writing songs in college.

Q: How did you get started in music and how have you headed towards a focus on recording “family” music?

A: My music career really begins as a church musician and worship leader. I really never have played the clubs and bars like you read about others doing. As a teenager I became a committed Christian and began leading others in worship and playing special music in church. I never started out thinking I would be writing and performing music for kids and families. When I released my first album, People of Destiny, an album I recorded for adults I started hearing from parents telling me how much their kids enjoyed some of the songs, which surprised me but I was glad to hear it. At about the same time I was offered a summer gig at a Christian family resort singing and playing music for a weekly kids program. Out of necessity I needed to write some songs for that first summer and I discovered a brand new audience. I m still just writing what s in my heart to write but I have to confess kids and families have captured my heart and I love sharing my music with them.

Q: How has your own faith journey impacted on your music?

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A: I continue to grow in my faith and in my musicianship and songwriting almost simultaneously for me the two have always been intertwined. I m not really interested in being labeled as a Christian artist but it s pretty hard to separate my faith from my music so I don t try. I write about stuff that moves me and inspires me. I can t think of anything or anyone who moves and inspires me more than God the creator of all things! I believe God is sovereign and over all things so I see Him in all of my songs and in every aspect of life, especially family life.

Q: Can you give us some suggestions on how parents can share the gift of music with their children while helping them to make appropriate listening decisions.

A: One of the things I would encouraged parents to do is listen to music with their children. Introduce your kids to the classics as well as lots of different styles of music including some of the music that you like it doesn t have to be Barney and Romper Room for kids to enjoy it and get something from it. I think we sell kids short sometimes. I ve discovered children to have a depth and capacity that has surprised me. Here s a real life example. Over the Christmas holiday my son and I were in the car with the radio on. Karen Carpenter was singing White Christmas and my son Austin commented that he really liked her voice Me too, I said. So I looked around and found a Best of the Carpenters album and gave it to him for Christmas he s eleven and he s becoming a Carpenters fan go figure!

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I think the most important thing for parents is to not just assume that because the music is being marketed to children that it s really good for your kids. I ve seen and heard some pretty awful stuff made for kids. Some of it s awful because of the production values and some of it s awful because of the message in the music! So that means parents need to listen for themselves, which can be a harrowing experience at times. I know there s some pretty cheesy, shallow stuff out there that passes for kids music that most parents would want to toss out the car window after just one listening, but there s also some great stuff out there too. One of my goals has been to write and produce music that parents will enjoy as much as their kids. I m trying to write songs that will encourage, build up and reinforce those values and dynamics that are important to families. I m not the only one writing music with that goal in mind. There s so much out there that parents can take advantage of when it comes to musicfor their kids but it requires some looking. Several artists and bands that I would recommend (both Christian and secular) Zak Morgan, Alan Root, Mary Rice Hopkins, Dan Zanes, Trout Fishing in America, Dean-O and the Dynamos, Tom Chapin and Glenn Colton. You may not find our music in the record stores or Christian bookstores because we are considered such a small niche but the internet has made it possible for us to distribute our music all over the world and that s been very exciting for all of us. You ll find all of these artists online.

Q: I loved watching the DVD and listening to the CD of “Live at Lakeside” with my boys. How did this project come about? Tell us about your family concerts.

A: Lakeside is the family resort I mentioned that first invited me to play for kids during the summer. That was ten years ago and I ve played there every summer since it s been a great place to do what I do. The DVD was shot when I did a family concert with my band The Munks (Chip and The Munks, get it?) Anyway we had this concert booked and thought let s capture it on DVD and record a live album as well. So did that and it really all came together so well. In addition to the concert we also included some special features on the DVD like a tour of Lakeside and a look at what goes on at a sound check before a concert as well as some music videos.

We think our family concerts are truly unique because it’s not a “kids show” and it’s not an “adult show”… it’s exactly what it’s billed to be… an all age event… FAMILY CONCERT! I include songs that have been described as rollicking, fun, bash around tunes, to songs that are very spiritual, but not at all preachy . I try to keep everyone involved from toddlers to teens to senior citizens with lots of audience participation. Lately I ve been covering Harry Chapin s song Cat s in the Cradle and James Taylor s song Shower the People . These are for sure not kids songs but they are for sure songs for the family and fit well in my concert.

Q: Who are some of your favorite musicians and musical influences? Who do you recommend to friends and family?

A: I ve always been drawn to acoustic music and singer-songwriters like James Taylor and Joni Mitchell. I think my music has also been influenced by bands like The Beatles, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, The Eagles and America. PhilKeaggy has played a huge part in shaping and influencing me too. Phil and his wife Bernadette are actually old family friends; they re both Ohio natives as well. Over the years Phil has given me some good advice as well as played and sang on some of my albums. Other artists and bands I listen to and would recommend are David Wilcox, Michael Card, Fernando Ortega, John Michael Talbot, Nickel Creek, Shawn Colvin, Michael Hedges, Chris Rice, Allison Krauss and Union Station and Wes King. All of those artists are making acoustic music and most are wonderful finger style guitar players and songwriters which is what I tend to gravitate to.

Q: Are any of your songs particular favorites? Why?

A: That s a hard question for me to answer because I like different things about all of my songs. But a couple songs stand out for me because of what they remind me of at the time I wrote them. Ladybugs Living Room is one of those a song about pretending that was inspired by a time of pretending with my daughter Megan. Designed to Shine is a favorite because it came from a time of me playing my guitar while my son Austin, then about three years old, danced around room laughing and singing while I played. Wonderful Thing is a song all about hugs that my daughter Brittany inspired she s the hugger in our family, you know the person in your family who loves to give and get hugs. There are others every song has story behind it but those are just a few.

Q: Tell us a bit about your “Roots and Wings” workshops.

A: That s a workshop that really had it s beginnings in another song I wrote called My Dad s Coat. I had a memory of being a little boy and finding my dad s overcoat and walking around with it on. That s something that is funny and even appropriate for a child to do but as I grew up it was important for me to wear my own coat, find my own way. It occurred to me that my faith as a child was a lot like wearing my dad s coat. Children naturally and appropriately come under the covering of their parents faith but as kids grow up it s important that they make this faith their own. My parents helped me to do that they passed their heritage, faith and values to me and helped me assimilate them into my life. Now I m doing the same thing with my kids. The Roots and Wings workshop is designed to give parents some very practical was to pass their faith on to their kids and help them make it their own… passing on the roots and helping them find their wings.

Q: Do you have plans for any upcoming projects? Are there any closing thoughts you’d like to share with our readers?

A: Yes, I have a couple things I m working on one album of songs for summertime another project that s going to be more for parents than kids love songs and mushy stuff like that ugh! I appreciate the chance to share my music with your readers. Parenting is a difficult job but so important I hope that my music will not only be entertaining for kids and families but also encouraging for parents and their kids. That s my heart too see kids built up, parents encouraged and families strengthened making it all more fun than a kid should be allowed to have !

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For more information about the music of Chip Richter visit www.chiprichter.com

Lisa M. Hendey is webmaster of www.CatholicMom.com , a wife and mother of two and a family music fan and supporter. Visit her at www.LisaHendey.com for more information.

About the Author

Lisa M. Hendey is webmaster of www.CatholicMom.com , a wife and mother of two and a family music fan and supporter. Visit her at www.LisaHendey.com for more information

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Baby Cold Symptoms and How to Give Care

 by: Leroy Chan

Remember how miserable you felt when you last had a cold? Can you imagine what your baby must feel when he experiences a cold for the first time?

Viruses are responsible for causing colds. Infected people spread the viruses when they sneeze or cough nearby healthy people. The virus gets into the nose and throat where it multiplies.

What Are The Symptoms?

When your baby has a cold, there will be a number of symptoms. He will be sneezing and have a runny nose. He may have a sore throat and it may be difficult for him to swallow. His glands may become swollen.

He may not feel like eating much and he could become irritable. A cough may develop. He may get a slight fever or have a body temperature of 101 to 102 degrees Fahrenheit.

When to Seek Medical Advice

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If your baby is three months old or less and has cold like symptoms, you should contact a pediatrician immediately. Cold like symptoms in a baby three months old or less are misleading and could lead to a serious ailment.

On the other hand, if your child is more than three months old you should contact a doctor if you notice that he is breathing loudly and his nostrils expand out with each breath. His nails or lips are becoming blue. His mucus is thick, runny and green. He has a cough that hasn t gone a way for more than a week. His ears ache. His temperature is more than 102 degrees Fahrenheit. He has become more drowsy or grouchy.

How to Care For Your Baby

Medical experts tell us there is no cure for the common cold. However, there are ways to alleviate the miserable symptoms your baby undergoes.

Make sure he gets plenty of rest and extra fluids. If he has a fever, give him acetaminophen or if he s older that six months he may take ibuprofen (but don t give it to your baby if he is dehydrated or continuously vomiting).

If your child has a cough and is under three years old, don t give him a cough suppressing medicine unless it was prescribed by a pediatrician. Coughing rids the lower respiratory tract of mucus.

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If your baby has nasal congestion, you can use a rubber suction bulb to draw out the mucus from his nostrils. If the mucus is too thick, you can apply saline nose drops to soften the mucus before extracting with the bulb. A humidifier can also be used in the baby s room to help liquefy the nasal secretions.

Concluding Thoughts

The best way for your baby to avoid a cold is to not have him near people who are infected. But if your baby gets a cold, the best thing you can do is make it comfortable for him. Soon his cold symptoms will disappear and he ll be back to health, that is, until the next episode. But by now you ll be ready for that, won t you?

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To learn more about newborns and what you can expect during your baby s first year visit: http://www.firstyearbabyadvice.com

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About The Author Leroy Chan, San Francisco, California, United States http://www.firstyearbabyadvice.com/ Leroy has built and maintained several web sites since 1997. He just became a dad and is looking forward to raising his newborn son. articles@firstyearbabyadvice.com

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Relationship Saver

 by: ilimow

This is a story about Kaveri. But before introducing her, I would like to introduce other characters so as to give them a fair scope of recognition. To start with, I would like to mention Ashraf and Sarah. Theirs is a simple love story - met in college, fell in love, got married and living happily together. One more person who needs to be mentioned is Ravindra. Ravindra possessed all the good traits that a guy would ask for. He was a focused, career-minded person who knew what he wanted out of his life. His life was fully planned. Studied hard at school, scored high grades, then took up engineering and excelled there too and finally got himself a decent job in reputed firm. He kept himself away from all the temptations that any guy his age would easily fall for - alcohol, cigarettes, and girls. He always behaved like a responsible person and took charge of the family matters in spite of being the youngest one in the family. A Decent guy is what every body would call him. Many even referred to him as almost perfect. Almost may be, but not perfect. He had one flaw in him. He was an egotistic man. Perhaps Ego shadows Perfection.

And now it’s time to introduce Kaveri. Kaveri was herself an egotistic person; plus she was smart and stubborn. She was a born winner. She was good at everything she did, whether it was sports, college projects, dance competition, or pranks for that matter. Ashraf, Sarah, Kaveri and I became friends since the first day of college. Kaveri was rightfully chosen as the leader of the group. Kaveri played different roles at different times. Whenever there was a need she would become an Agony Aunt, a Friend, a Philosopher and often a Counselor. She always had solutions to all problems. At all times she seemed to be having complete control over her life.

Kaveri fell in love with Ravindra and both got married. Their relationship lasted for 3 years before marriage and everything seemed to be going perfectly fine. But soon after marriage Ravindra attempted to dominate the relationship. Kaveri’s confidence gave birth to his insecurities and he felt a need to outsmart her on every occasion. With each passing day Ravindra’s domination over Kaveri increased. Ravindra overruled every decision Kaveri took for the family. All her suggestions were turned down harshly. At first it happened with in the closed walls of their house, but then Ravindra started exhibiting his domination in front of us. He started treating her more as an assistant than as a wife. Whenever there was a get-together, Ravindra would create a scene. Kaveri didn’t felt embarrassed over all this, but she was hurt. No matter what issue Ravindra chose to justify his anger, Kaveri was always able to see through them. She knew what bothered him. She tried to normalize their relationship, but more maturelyshe behaved more distant Ravindra became from her.

One day, we all gathered at Ashraf’s place to celebrate Kaveri’s recent promotion at work. It was a moment of happiness for her, but Ravindra didn’t care to let it remain that way. While Ashraf, Sarah and I were engrossed in our friendly banter, we suddenly heard Ravindra yelling. He was about to hit her, but then stopped suddenly and barged out of the house. For the first time we saw tears in Kaveri’s eyes. She kept looking at the door hoping Ravindra would come back, but he didn’t.

Sarah escorted Kaveri to the sofa. She offered handkerchief to Kaveri, but Kaveri refused to take it. We all knew Kaveri would never take suggestions from anyone, but Sarah couldn’t hold herself and began advising.

“Kavi! I think you two should go for counseling to see if there is a reason to keep this marriage together.”

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Kaveri didn’t utter a word, but I could see she was into deep thinking.

Moments later Ashraf joined Sarah…

“Kavi, you should now accept that this relationship has no chance of survival. I know a good lawyer. You should meet him.” At this Kaveri stood up and hugged both of them.

“I will leave now and don’t worry about me. I will manage. I feel fortunate to have friends like you. You have always wished good things for me. But I can’t take your advice.”

She then looked towards me.

“Mann, drop me at my place.” That was her style. She never requested or suggested, only ordered.

“Ok” I said and joined her.

I had lot of things going on in mind but I knew there was no point talking to her, she just won’t listen. So I decided to keep quite.

When we reached close to her house, Kaveri looked at me.

“You have nothing to say?” she asked.

“No point in saying anything when it’s not going to make a difference.” I replied curtly.

“I know what I am doing Mann. Have faith in me. Things would be alright.” Kaveri tried to assure me.

“What are you doing?” I asked without much interest.

“I am not quitting on my relationship. I have decided to mend it. Nurture it with the Love.”

“How do you plan to do that?” I asked.

“I have already started doing what I need to do. Every time any such incident occurs, when Ravindra hurts me I just go to my room and talk to my diary. I write down what had happened, how I feel about it and in the end I start listing all the reasons that made me love him. I keep adding reasons till I convince myself that my love for him is more powerful than my anger. I go back and treat him like he has never hurt me.” Kaveri seemed determined but I was skeptical about her concept.

“And you think this would change him?” I asked.

“I don’t wish to change him. I have decided to accept him as he is.” Kaveri replied.

“I would like to see how far this will take your relationship.” I expressed my doubt.

“It’s going to keep my relationship alive.” Kaveri claimed.

“Then I will ask you after 5 years, whether you are happy with your relationship?”

Today after 5 years, I have realized Kaveri was right. She not only maintained the relationship but also had groomed it further. With time Ravindra came to realize the selflessness of Kaveri’s love. He no longer attempts to dominate her and gives her all the respect she deserves. Ravindra changed himself and that has changed their relationship too. Their relationship could survive through the tough phase of life only because Kaveri refused to give up on it. Today they both live a happy life.

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Kaveri’s idea about relationship has surfaced in my mind again. She was right about relationship…

Relationship is not about finding a perfect person and then falling in love. Relationship is about accepting the person you love without judging.

Problems occur in relationship when we start judging things on right or wrong basis. Why do we need to label anything as right or wrong? Being right or wrong is just a matter of opinion and varies from person to person. Whatever makes a person uncomfortable is judged as wrong. That’s not the way it has to be. If that is the case we could never guarantee whatever we do would be considered right. Can we? Then the question if the other person is right or wrong shouldn’t arise.

With judgment comes disappointment as not everyone would reach up to our expectation. The disappointment then leads to pain and stress. And when we are hurt we completely forget what made us love the person in the first place. We focus only on the behavior that had caused us stress and forget everything else. We fail to realize that there’s more to a person than one act of unkindness. Initially we tend to keep it to ourselves. We don’t let it out nor do we forget it. We keep saying to ourselves that we are adjusting or compromising by forgiving the other person. But that we think of forgiveness says that we believe what the person did was wrong. With that labeling process, we just continue to build a perception of the other person as being wrong again and again. We keep comforting ourselves and building up anger towards the other person. Then comes a day we decide we can’t take any more and we react impulsively damaging the very relationship for which we were willing to suffer. Often we damage the relationship to an extent that it becomes Irreparable. Forgiving is easier said than done.

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When we accept others the way they are, we accept the fact that not always will they do things that we like. Some times they would bother us, irritate us or even hurt us. But in spite of all that if we remember they are the very people who love us then our anger would subside automatically.

In a relationship Forgiveness is not the solution, but Acceptance is! Acceptance may seem like a bitter medicine to swallow but it cures the relationship of the disease called Separation.

About The Author ILIMOW is a Technical Writer based in Mumbai. Being a ferocious reader and a passionate writer, ILIMOW has explored various subjects ranging from philosophy, meta-physics, paranormal science, physiognomy, spirituality etc. ILIMOW usually speaks about positive mental attitude towards Life and believes that at all cost Life is Bliss! His site http://www.ilimow.com depicts this concept through stories, poems, articles, essays and quotes.

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