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Finding Out Your Child Has a Disability: It’s Not the end of the World

 by: Dr. Mark Nagler, Ph.D.

Finding out that a child has been born with a disability, or that a previously healthy child has suffered an injury or disease that causes a disability can be the most traumatic moment in a parent s life. Shock is usually the first thing people experience. It can temporarily paralyze you, preventing you from taking action, or even making rational decisions. In this difficult first period it is always wise to take the counsel of professionals and family members with experience or others whom you trust, while always maintaining the right to make the final decision yourselves.

After coming to grips with the shock of their situation, many parents come to feel that their expectations have been dashed, that they are failures as parents or that their family has been destroyed. Uncertainty, blame or jealousy may arise. Parents may worry about hundreds of questions that have few immediate answers which can lead to an unbalanced and overly bleak view of the opportunities, potential, and joy that can be found in raising a child with a disability.

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These emotions however are normal; part of a mourning process that many parents of children with disabilities go through. If you have these feelings, remember that you are not the only ones who feel this way, and that you will get over them. You can adjust more quickly by obtaining accurate information, sharing your feelings openly with others, seeking professional counseling, and, most importantly, having open discussions with all members of your immediate family. With time, love, and support, any negative emotions you feel can be replaced by positive ones leading to productive actions that will benefit your child.

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It is not the end of the world, and many families have become stronger, more loving, and more closely knit because of a disability in the family. The disability gave them the opportunity to work together to help out their loved one, and the entire family shares in the gains that are made by the child. Many of the negatives that parents imagine that go along with having a child who has a disability simply do not occur. While you will have to make some sacrifices, you will still have time for your friends, family, and hobbies. After awhile, many of the activities you once viewed as sacrifices will come to be seen as part of every life, rather than an exceptional burden.

Developing a positive attitude is very important, and although children with disabilities will inevitably become aware of their limitations, they should always be encouraged to take on new challenges. This is sometimes difficult as children with physical limitations may be reluctant to participate in physical activities out of fear of failure. Despite these fears, both the child s and the parent s perspective should be have fun, and do your best.

Some parents of children with disabilities are unable to have their special child live at home with them, but the vast majority is able to successfully manage within the home. If you are finding you cannot cope, there are alternatives available that will allow you to maintain a loving relationship with your child while maximizing appropriate care.

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The most important factor in a family s success is the motivation to succeed. If a child realizes that his parents always encourage success and will not be satisfied with anything less than his best effort, he will be motivated to succeed. Never settling for failure becomes part of his character, and his self-esteem will be enhanced and maintained.

There is a wide range of disabilities that affect children but the constant emphasis on always trying your best, reinforced in an atmosphere of warmth and support, will help any child with a disability triumph over the challenge that he will face. Instilling this confidence will help him have faith in himself and work on his own behalf throughout the course of his entire life.

About The Author Dr. Mark Nagler is an acknowledged expert for people with disabilities. He was born with Cerebral Palsy and has triumphed over his disability by becoming an expert in the Disability Studies field. He has a B.A. from the University of British Columbia, a Masters degree from the University of Chicago and a Ph.D. from Stirling University in Britain. Dr. Nagler approaches disability from a different perspective than that offered by most experts and, although he has never been able to write, he was able to achieve his impressive array of degrees. He taught at Hamilton’s McMaster University and the University of Waterloo and he has lectured across Canada, the United States, Britain, Sweden, Hungary and Israel. He has used his cerebral palsy to empower students, parents and anyone else with whom he comes in contact. His book, Yes You Can , illustrates his own experience in over coming disability and his other work, What’s Stopping You? , conveys strategies that adults can successfully use in livingwith disability. www.marknagler.com nagler@sympatico.ca

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I admit it. I’m frustrated. I’m tired of getting
emails from people who write, “I can’t do what you did
because —.”

Just fill in the blank with whatever excuse you can
think of.

People say they can’t write as many books as I have
because they don’t have the time, or they’re too old,
or too young, or too married, or too single.

People say they can’t make their book a best-seller
like I did because their book is different, or they’re
different, or the timing is different.

People say they can’t ask celebrities for
endorsements because they feel insignificant, or
insulting, or imposing.

The list of excuses is endless. Here are some more
actual ones I’ve received:

“You’re more famous than me. I could never write
people and ask for their help, as they wouldn’t give me
the time of day.”

I started asking people for help, advice, input,
suggestions and direction when I was a teenager. I have
letters from FBI king J. Edgar Hoover, boxing legend
Jack Dempsey, and master magician John Mulholland.
I was certainly unknown then. Yet people always helped
me. I’ve managed to connect with Evel Kneivel, Donald
Trump, Jimmy Carter, best-selling authors and more—
and I did it before anyone knew my name. I simply
ASKED for their help. They were kind and replied.
Today I’m doing the same for anyone who writes
me who sounds sincere and respectful.

“You have a large network of people to ask for
things.”

Yes, I do. NOW. But I didn’t when I first started.
I developed my network by building relationships. I
reached out to people, helped them, they helped me,
and trust was formed. Because I’ve nurtured my
relationships online for almost ten years now, a bond
is set. When I announce that I want contributions for
a new book, my network responds. When they want
something, I respond. I was able to compile all the
information for my most recent book, “The E-Code:
47 Surprising Secrets for Making Money Online
Almost Instantly,” in less than 7 days — all
because I asked my network for help.

“You have a big mailing list so you can sell things
faster.”

I went online with no mailing list. NONE. I didn’t
even recognize the importance of having my own list
until one day I offered my first e-class to my then
tiny list and made $22,500 in one week. Then I woke up.
I’ve been working on building my email list ever since.
Anyone can do it. And while you’re waiting to do it,
you can always joint-venture with people who already
have mailing lists. How? Just ASK. One day some
person in Norway wrote me. He wanted to know if
I would help him sell his new software. I liked his
program and agreed. He didn’t have a list. I did. He
had software. I liked it. I did a mailing and split the
profits with him. It was a win-win.

“You are more talented as a copywriter so you can
sell better than me.”

I learned to be a copywriter by investing time,
money and effort into studying the greats and getting
out there and doing it. My first sales letters were
garbage. I still write and rewrite to make my letters
as hypnotic as I can. I wasn’t born writing, reading,
or even walking. I learned it all. Can’t you?

“I don’t have anything to offer free to get people
to buy what I am selling.”

There are a million things for free online. You can
find thousands—thousands!—of free e-books online.
Just grab a few and offer them as your incentives to
get people to buy your product or service. Anyone can
do this. Just look around online. The fruit is there
for the picking. I’ve seen people take classics of
literature—now in the public domain and available as
e-books—and offer them as incentives for prospects to
buy their product. It works. How do you find them?
SEARCH.

“I can’t teach an e-class like you because I have
no credentials.”

Your credentials are you. They are your life
experiences more than anything else. Few today care
about whether you have a degree or any other
credential. They care if you can deliver on whatever
you promise. My lifemate, Nerissa, is about to teach
an online video editing class. Anything you can teach
off-line can be taught on-line. With video, audio,
graphics, text, and chat rooms, you can have a
virtual classroom on ANYTHING you can
imagine. Why not?

“I can’t make money selling my stuff on the
Internet.”

Look around. The Internet is so big and vast and
even incomprehensible that truly anything can be sold
online. I’ve seen people sell tumble weeds and buggy
whips, greeting cards and computer generated art.
Anything sold off-line can be sold on-line. Go look at
Ebay. People sell cars, used clothes, dirt and even
snow there. I once sold an “Elvis Mermaid” at Ebay.
(You can see a picture of it at www.mrfire.com) Are
there really any limits to what can be sold online?

“I missed the right time to sell my idea.”

Really? Just look at the title of one of my books:
“There’s A Customer Born Every Minute.” A new crowd of
prospects appears every single day. You can sell
virtually anything at virtually any time if you think
of what people want and cater to them. Sometimes you
have to think of other uses for the same product, or
other audiences than what you originally had in mind.
But the best time to sell what you have is now. What
are you waiting for?

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“You live in America and I live in Mexico and
selling doesn’t work here.”

Give me a break. Friends of mine always go to
Mexico (and other countries said to be behind us)
and they come home with truck loads of things they
bought. Besides that, with the Internet, where you live
is almost meaningless. Take your product and go online.
Then you’re not selling to your poor neighbors, but to
the entire planet. Think BIG.

The list goes on and on.

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To me, excuses are the #1 thing people do wrong —
online and off. While all of these excuses seem legit
to the person saying them, they are virtually all
hogwash.

Excuses are beliefs. If you buy into them, you’re
stuck. If you believe instead that there’s always a way
around whatever the excuse is, then you’ll move
forward. My philosophy is, “There is ALWAYS a way.”

So let me try to help you here.

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First, what are your excuses?

When I began this article by asking the question,
“I can’t do what you did because —”, what did you
say? How did you complete the sentence? Those
are some of your excuses.

Second, ask yourself if there’s any way on earth to
get around your excuses. In other words, are the
excuses you stated real or imagined? Have you tried to
get past any of them? Has anyone else, ever, gotten
past the same excuses?

Finally, what would you do if you had no excuses?

Whatever your answer, get out there and JUST DO IT.

Leave your excuses behind and your prosperity will
begin to come to you.

Leave your excuses behind and you can achieve
success, too.

Leave your excuses behind and your life will begin
to soar.

If you don’t act now, why not?

Whatever your answer, THAT’S an excuse.

Are you going to let it stop you?

About the Author

Dr. Joe Vitale’s most recent book, co-authored with Jo
Han Mok and a cast of Internet celebrities and super
stars, is “The E-Code: 47 Surprising Secrets for Making
Money Online Almost Instantly.” Sign-up for his
free monthly newsletter at http://www.mrfire.com

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Staying in touch we say it so lightly, yet it s an important concept for our wellness. Staying in touch with others, staying in touch with ourselves, and staying in actual physical touch with our lives are all important.
One of the ways to reach relaxation and give ourselves some relief from daily stress is to touch someone or something. It stills our brain which is always thinking, and allows us to go somewhere else for a change.
Our self-talk can be a great source of stress, and one we can change and eliminate. It s not just the things that are going on in our world that stress us, but how we look at it, which in turn becomes what we say to ourselves about it.
We may say, This is awful, or I m an idiot, or I ll never get through this. These are not helpful statements, and in fact add to our stress. But our brain keeps generating these things until we learn to manage what goes on in there better. This may be the origin of the phrase, An idle mind is the devil s workshop. When our minds aren t occupied we can generate thoughts that are upsetting to us. I have also heard this quoted as Idle hands are the devil s tools. So why not keep those hands and that mind occupied so it doesn t go there . Anger doesn t help, worry doesn t help, pessimism and ruminating don t help.
Whether we use the word brain or mind or a part of the brain (left), you re probably familiar with that voice in your head it usually comes up when you need it the least, and it is rarely helpful.
The best way to deal with stress is to remove the sources of it. Then develop your Emotional Intelligence.
Here are ways some people use to give themselves some relief from the stress for a while.
KNITTING
Knitting is having a comeback. If you re old enough to remember Rosie Grier (football player), you ll remember that he at one time took up knitting, and how surprised everyone was. So if you re a guy and would like to give it a try, you re in good company.
I ve also known doctors who do needlepoint, and many others who enjoy crafts of this sort. You have to think just enough to knit to quiet the brain, and then your hands are busy. I used it a lot to handle tension when I was in college. More people are taking it up all the time.
CHI GONG
No one knows for sure when the practice of Chi Gong (pronounced chee gung ) began, but it may have been 4-5,000 years ago. It gave birth to Tai Chi, the earliest martial art, which led to the more aggressive martial arts of karate and judo.
Spelled various ways, including Qi Gong, the Qi means energy and the gong means work or practice. It combines discipline of mind and body, regulating the body through posture, regulating the mind through relaxation and concentration, regulating the breath through self-massage and movement of the limbs.

It s based on external movement combined with internal quiet and practice in control of the mind.

I must confess not to having practiced it myself, but it sounds like what it s controlling is that internal chatter that goes on, and the emotions that come along with it, and I hear clients speaking highly of it.

SIMPLE DAILY CHORES

Someone told me the other day how beneficial it was to her to do the dishes by hand because it also involved warmth on her hands, and water. Gardening, which keeps the chattering still and involves the hands, is another way.

It may even work to keep the feet busy, such as bicycle riding, or an exercise bike. Of course any kind of exercise is beneficial because of the endorphins it raises, which may apply to all these things.

One client of mine relies on dancing when she s stressed. She pictures the way a child moves all arms and legs, motions and expression and she finds this a great relief, particularly combined with music, which is an extra help in stilling the chattering brain and calming the muscles.

TOUCHING WITH THE HAND

Research has proven that a massage benefits the one who gives it as much as it does the one receives it. Interesting isn t it?

When we touch our lovers, hug our friends, rock our babies, and pull our children into our laps to read them a story, we are giving the healing of touch.

ANIMAL COMPANIONS

When Amantha is stressed, she tells me she lies down on the floor and pets her dog. She figures the lying down on the floor gets her out of the frame of reference of her daily life as it would for most of us.

Did you know that just being in the room with a dog lowers the blood pressure of ailing seniors, healthy college students, and a child reading. There s a connection there you re aware of if you have an animal companion. They re a comfort to us, and hopefully we are to them as well, because they give us a lot.

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In fact dogs and other animals are now being used for therapy of different types. There s an Animal Volunteer Companion program where you can take your dog, cat, bird, or hamster to a nursing home, shelter, prison or other institution to bring all the things that animals bring to those who are no longer able to be with animals on a daily basis.

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Taking your dog for a walk brings great stress relief and also the added factor that it can be a social experience. A dog is an instant topic of conversation and we feel at ease approaching someone with their dog to have a chat. Conversation flows freely. You re also outdoors where things look different. Social isolation is a form of stress that can be remedied in this way.

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Whether it s painting with your child, doing needlepoint while you watch TV, going out to the barn to do a little carpentry, planting broccoli, or giving your partner a massage, use those hands in quieting, repetitive tasks and watch the stress levels go down! Touch your world. It will keep you grounded.

About the Author

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I offer coaching, distance learning courses, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. For free ezine, mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc. I train and certify EQ coaches. Get in this field, dubbed white hot by the press, now, before it s crowded. Start tomorrow, no residence requirement, global student body. Email for prospectus.

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Daddy Tames the Ferocious Junior Boys

 by: Janette Blackwell

Throughout World War II my Daddy had 4F draft status — meaning he couldn t be drafted — as there would have been no one to farm his Montana land if he were gone.

His draft status bothered Daddy. He was young and vigorous, and he longed to fight the enemies of his country. He knew he was working hard for his country out there in the fields, but his life lacked drama. And perhaps he longed for military action more fervently on days when things weren t going well on the farm.

Daddy and other 4F Bitterroot Valley farmers liked to talk about the war. They talked about it in the barbershop, of course, and after church on Sunday. What MacArthur and Patton ought to do to the enemy. What the army, and the navy, and the marines ought to do to the enemy. Their male hormones buzzed around rapidly, doing what male hormones do.

The men s ferocity was only exceeded by that of the little boys, who thought nothing of wiping out an enemy air squadron on their way to Sunday school.

The junior boys of our Sunday school were especially ferocious. In fact these nine to twelve year olds were incorrigible, by the standards of the time and place. They whispered and giggled, nudged and pushed each other. They never studied their Sunday school lessons. And they openly chewed gum in church.

Several stalwart men of the Corvallis Community Church had tried and failed to whip these incorrigibles into shape. The junior boys were taught in the church auditorium, only a few feet from the adult men’s and women s classes. And whenever the teacher of the junior boys lost control of those boys, the whole auditorium heard it.

Then even worse things began to happen. At the end of our class sessions, when we good little primary children filed out of our classroom and into the auditorium for closing exercises, we were faced with a terrible sight: the junior boys had completely run amok. They were making V-shaped paper airplanes from their Sunday school handouts. Large white missiles flew everywhere in the auditorium, above the heads of the men s and women s Bible classes.

Occasionally a boy scored a direct hit on the pulpit and even, once or twice, on the Sunday school superintendent as he stood behind the pulpit. And it appeared, from the expressions on faces in the men s Bible class, that they were focusing more on memories of their own boyhood than on the good Christian example of the Sunday school superintendent, who pretended nothing had hit him.

The worst of it was, of course, the example it set us little ones: pure minded children who had not known, up to that moment, that one could do anything with a Sunday school handout besides read it. Formerly innocent primary boys were seen examining paper airplanes to see how they were made. It was easy to imagine the effect these illegal missiles were having on their sensitive childish minds, the subtle seeds of corruption thus being sown.

Strong measures were needed, and the church leadership turned to Daddy to whip the junior boys into shape.

They probably felt that in Daddy they had found a disciplinary tiger. But unfortunately Daddy was not a person who enjoyed whipping other people into shape, not even little people. Of course he couldn t say so. He was a church board member, after all, and the kind of young man the junior boys should look up to.

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I remember coming into the auditorium after my own Sunday school class, to find Daddy’s junior boys following his every word. They didn’t want the class session to end. Daddy’s hand appeared to be a U.S. airplane moving steadily on its just mission. His other hand, he said, was “See, this Zero comes up and tries to shoot down the B-29, and the P-38, see, it comes in there with its guns blazing. . . .”

He and the junior boys had arrived at an understanding. If they paid attention to the Sunday school lesson and behaved themselves, there’d be time to discuss airplanes — real airplanes — at the end of the session. If the boys cut up and he had to spend time making them behave, the whole class period would be spent struggling with Jonah and the whale.

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About The Author Find Janette Blackwell s Christian mystery and hilarious cookbook, Steamin Down the Tracks with Viola Hockenberry, at foodandfiction.com. Janette@foodandfiction.com

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Wedding Music - The Soundtrack to your Perfect Day

 by: Lorna Mclaren

So you are planning your Wedding Day and its going to be perfect. You have the flowers, cake, invitations, your dress, his outfit, and favors sorted. Your own fair hand has written your Wedding Vows, funny or otherwise, so you are ready to get underway, but what about your Wedding Music?

Your Wedding Music will be the audio background for the entire day so it s important to have Wedding Music that you really like. There s the prelude to think about first. What kind of Wedding Music should be playing for your guests as they assemble in the venue for the ceremony? Many people will choose a restful, classical piece for this part of their wedding such as,

• Adagio from Santana in E-flat by Mozart,
• Air from Water Music by Handel or
• Air on the G-String by Handel.

These are gentle pieces that provide a soothing backdrop and excellent start to you Wedding Music choices.

The next choice to make is what Wedding Music do I walk down the aisle to? Goodness this is a big choice. These days you do not have to have the traditional Wedding March by either Wagner or Mendelssohn although these are still very popular. Listen to Harry Conick, JR singing Ave Maria, Canon in D by Pachelbel or Arioso by Bach before deciding on your entrance Wedding Music!

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When the moment comes that bride and groom are joined together as one the Wedding Music can be their song , something more uplifting like the Beatles and Let It Be or something spiritual and heavenly like, my personal favorite, From This Moment by Shania Twain and Bryan White.

During every ceremony there are pauses and its nice to fill those pauses with Wedding Music especially chosen. Sometimes a soloist will fit the bill and Ave Maria or the Lords Prayer can do justice to the moment. Maybe you would like just music and Spring from Four Seasons by Vivaldi or O Mio Babbino Caro by Piccini are both excellent choices.

Now as husband and wife you are about to step out into the world and what is the right Wedding Music for you to do that to? Still very popular is the Wedding March by Mendelssohn but you by no means have to choose that. Ode to Joy by Beethoven or Inseparable by Natalie Cole can express the feeling of that moment.

Just because the ceremony is over and you are actually married don t think the picking of Wedding Music ends there. Oh no you still have the reception to deal with!

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You have a cake to be cut and smushed into your other half mouth and a popular Wedding Music choice is Bride Cuts the Cake by Average White Band. How Sweet It Is by James Taylor, I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher and Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra are all understandably popular. As a choice of cake cutting Wedding Music I was surprized to discover that the Theme Song from Jaws by Ronnie Neuman is also well used!

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Right moving along we now need first dance wedding music and again Shania Twain and Bryan White are very popular with From This Moment. Amazed by Lonestar and Breathe by Faith Hill are also in the top ten as is Truly, Madly, Deeply from Savage Garden. This is a song that becomes a cherished memory, so handle with care. My first dance was to Three Times a Lady although in later years my husband will tell you it was The Lady in Red!

First dance as man and wife is over so we can move on to the wedding music for the rest of the evening. Maybe a mix of romantic numbers like Always by Bon Jovi, Every Breath You Take by Police or My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion and some party style wedding music such as the ever popular YMCA by Village People, We Are Family by Sister Sledge and Celebration by Kool and The Gang. These are bound to get the party started!

We can start to get a little soppy with some Mother/Son and Father/Daughter wedding music choices like Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Middler or Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. Can You Feel the Love Tonight by Elton John is another music choice I think works well for the occasion.

Now the evening is drawing to a close, bride and groom are about to take to the floor for their last dance so what wedding music is appropriate? My personal thought is something undeniably romantic like I ve Had The Time Of My Life by Bill Medly and Jennifer Warnes or Wonderful Tonight by David Kersh. Or there s always Last Dance by Donna Summers or Time of Your Life by Green Day.

That s is then, you now know how much wedding music you have to decide on. You may find that the DJ or band that you have organized for your reception will have a fabulous selection and you just pick out a particular few pieces of personal wedding music to be played a key moments or you may want to decide on everything. Before making a decision on your wedding music, listen to as wide a variety of music, tunes or songs as you can and whatever you pick may your wedding music be the perfect soundtrack for your perfect day!

About The Author Lorna Mclaren has an information and resources website at www.a1-ourwedding.com where you can get inspiration on how to organize your Perfect Day!

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The following article was written for Resources For Attorneys.com by David Hallstrom, a private investigator, he is not now nor has he ever been an attorney.

Section 415.20 (b) of the California Civil Code Of Procedure States: If a copy of the summons and complaint cannot with reasonable diligence be personally delivered to the person to be served, as specified in Section 416.60, 416.70, 416.80, or 416.90, a summons may be served by leaving a copy of the summons and complaint at the person’s dwelling house, usual place of abode, usual place of business, or usual mailing address other than a United States Postal Service post office box, in the presence of a competent member of the household or a person apparently in charge of his or her office, place of business, or usual mailing address other than a United States Postal Service post office box, at least 18 years of age, who shall be informed of the contents thereof, and by thereafter mailing a copy of the summons and of the complaint by first-class mail, postage prepaid to the person to be served at the place where a copy of the summons and complaint were left. Service of a summons in this manner is deemed complete on the 10th day after the mailing.

Most process servers understand dwelling house or usual place of abode to mean the actual place where the person is currently staying. It has, however, been our experience that this means the official residence or place where the person is currently staying. We have found that most courts consider the dwelling house to be where the person is currently staying and the usual place of abode to mean the persons permanent residence, ie: the person lives with his parents but is currently away at school. The persons dwelling house would be where he is currently staying while in school and his usual place of abode would be his parents house where he returns on vacations and when school is on break and where he expects to return when he finishes school. The same applies if the person is currently in the hospital, away on a business trip or is on a vacation.

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Usual place of business can mean different things. Say a person works every day in a factory on 8th St., that of course would be a usual place of business. Say a Doctor is on staff and shows up for work regularly at ABC Hospital. He also rents office space from a doctor’s group at another location where he also sees paitents. It has been our experience that both places could be considered the Doctors usual place of business.

Usual mailing address other than a United States Postal Service post office box. Usual mailing address can be a private mail box service or any other place (Other than a U.S Post Office branch.) that the subject uses as a mailing address. This does not mean that the person must actually pick up or receive the mail. It only means that the person must use the address as a mailing address. Some people in order to evade creditors or others give out mailing addresses but never pick up the mail. If a person directs people to send that person’s mail to a certain address then that address can be considered a usual place of mailing as the server would have no way of verifying that the mail is actually picked up.

Competent member of the household does not mean family member. It means anyone who resides at that residence, including full time live in nannys, maids, gardeners, friends, etc.. As long as the person resides ther full time they can be considered members of the household.

Person apparently in charge does not mean, as some process servers believe, a manager or officer of the business or place of mailing. It means “the person apparently in charge. If, at an office, the receptionist will not let the process server see anyone else in the office, then the receptionist is the highest person in charge that the server can serve. If the only person who works at a mail box service says that he or she is only a clerk, that person is still the person apparently in charge.

Serving a complaint in a gated community or security building where the security guard will not allow entrance. On May 28, 1992, in the case of Robert Bein vs Bechtel-Jochim, the California Court Of Appeals held that a guard gate does constitute part of the dwelling and therefore the guard is a competent member within the dwelling. The court reasoned that if a process server is not permitted to proceed to the actual residence, then the outer bounds of the actual dwelling place must be deemed to extend to the location at which the process server’s progress is arrested.

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Reasonable diligence has been interpreted differently in different jurisdictions, however, we have found that if three attempts are made at least eight hours apart and if at least two of those attempts are made at the address wher the papers are served then a substituted service on the fourth attempt is usually considered valid.

The foregoing information is not given as legal advice. It is instead given as information and opinion gathered and developed through experience over the last thirty years. David Hallstrom is the owner of Hallstrom Detective Agency and although the agency no longer offers process serving services, it has, through it’s servers, completed service of several hundred thousand legal documents. Although the author believes the information to be accurate no guarantee is made or implied.

Permission is given to reprint this article providing credit is given to the author, David G. Hallstrom, and a link is listed to Resources For Attorneys the owner of this article. Anyone or any company reprinting this article without giving proper credit and the correct link, is doing so without permission and will be subject to legal action.

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In this day and age, it is very common to see people from different cultural heritages living together in a single bounded territory. Since they live together, they happen to engage, collectively - either in a planned fashion or instinctively - in all kinds of activities in the social, economic, religious, educational, political, and economic domains. Principal cities in the world are more and more becoming multicultural, or most have already become. The plurality of cultures that portray multiculturalism is, indeed, great for the understanding of all shades of people. Go to any multicultural city, and you will see that the marked physiological differences among many a people, while they point to historically different cultural backgrounds, are also a mark of togetherness in many regions of life. Perhaps, the greatest advantage of multiculturalism is that it bridges the chasm of ignorance and arrogance. Let me further make clear this point.

I belong to culture y, and you belong to culture x. You are placed in an entirely different society from mine such that we do not have any direct or face-to-face interaction. I have read - and keep reading that in your culture you eat with your hands, you have very minimal technology but much more contact with nature. Mine is directly opposite to yours because we eat with forks, spoons and knives. We are technologically advanced and use all sorts of electronic gadgets. I think apart from my belief that I am more physiologically refined, I also have a sophisticated lifestyle corroborated by the modern, imposing buildings that spread out in my society as well as state-of-the-art cars, information technology, and allied things. Since I have not met any of your kind before nor associated with any of you before, nor most importantly interacted with you before, I infer that my culture is superior compared to yours. I have closed my mind on this case, and I am not prepared to engage even in the least dialogue that could possibly reverse my opinions. Most people in my culture think in like manner about culture x, for the constant barrage of selective news that they view, listen to, or read within the environment of culture y have solidified their opinions. Above all, I have concluded that culture x is drenched in backwardness while mine is riding on the pinnacle of progress and splendid classiness.

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But am I right in so thinking about culture x? Is not the close contact between the people of culture x and nature praiseworthy in so far as it leads to environmental sanity and green-ness so much prized by environmentalists? Is not the continuous exploitation of nature to satisfy the requirements of unrestrained technology in culture y confront nature in some kind of conflict that eventually destabilizes cosmic unity and promotes nature s wrath? Have not the people of culture x shunned the dangers of pollution on human life by retaining the naturalness of the environment? Do I really have the foresight in grasping the ins and outs of the relationship between humans and nature?

These obvious weaknesses about culture y do not rule out the immense benefits that it has in the areas of science and technology; for the enlargement of population cannot be sustained without creating viable means to enhance life via, in particular, science and technology. I am saying that both x and y can learn some important things from each other that could make healthier their respective cultures. In any case, as a member of culture y, I have exposed my ignorance and, of course, my arrogance too about the beneficial outcomes in a diametrically opposed culture, that is culture x; and I have driven further away the possibility of seeking to learn from dissimilar cultures, which could enrich my knowledge and wisdom about human kinds. I have, in other words, erected an impenetrable curtain that prevents me from seeing the other side of the world full of other fruitful cultures and some high-quality values.

Suppose I see your kind, say a man from culture x, for the first time, then I m likely to show my pomposity and think I am better than your kind. Nevertheless, it is not only my looking down upon culture x that is the issue. The ignorance that arises from my viewpoint and the viewpoint of most members of my culture also generates discrimination. Assume, further, that the physiological differences between members of my culture and members of culture x - as I have seen many a time in the media - are marked, then I am inclined to be a racist, either by choice or by the nature of circumstances. And these are some of the major difficulties that societies other than multicultural societies bestow on lives.

Having said the above, I am not, in any way, claiming that multicultural societies are not fraught with difficulties. What is good about multicultural societies is that the above-stated problems tend to dissipate or diminish with the progress of time in view of the collective activities and willpower of all shades of people. Even so, there are vital areas of life in multicultural societies that seem to contradict the advantages I have outlined.

The entire edifice of multiculturalism wobbles when one seeks to address important questions in the areas, for example, of the laws and mores that shape multiculturalism. Ask: whose laws are they? And whose mores are they? It is true to say that multiculturalism is a fairly recent phenomenon, and since this is the case, whatever constituted the society prior to multiculturalism lacked, by the anticipated logic, laws and mores with the multicultural tinge. The consistent and progressive replacement of the original culture with a multicultural culture, owing to the massive flow of immigrants, may lead to the revision of original laws and mores; they prompt high-level stakeholders - policy makers, so to speak - to reexamine the held laws and mores without uprooting, for better or for worse, the bedrock culture. A multicultural society has to deal with the troubling issue of compromising its bedrock culture with a new culture, and the compromise becomes extremely difficult the more multicultural groups press forthe restructuring of the previous culture in order to drastically reshape especially - the economic, political, and educational systems of the society.

Suppose policy makers agree to the demands of immigrant pressure groups - that because the society has changed to possess a multicultural face, everything else should change, everything from business to politics to laws to mores to education - then the question of which immigrant group or groups demands should be incorporated into new policy decisions becomes the emerging desideratum. Logically, it is almost not feasible to implement such demands, nor is it, at first impression, practically expedient; for concessions to one immigrant group or some will engender persistent demands from disgruntled groups, and policy makers will then have to address new problems that were previously unforeseeable, or, at the very least, trivial. Lovers of a revolution or reasonable anarchists may support the uprooting of the dominant culture. Whether, therefore, a multicultural society slots in other multicultural values or not into the dominate laws and mores, difficulties arise in addressing the concerns of all immigrant groups to ensure harmony in all the conceivable areas of life. To insist that members of subcultures have to fully adapt to the values of the dominant culture presupposes that plurality of cultures are irrelevant in the field of cultural truths. This is palpably wrong given that truths in culture are tied to values in culture; and values differ in any number of ways.

Perhaps, there has to be some kind of balance between the needs of all immigrant groups and the customary needs of the society prior to multiculturalism. Indeed, the more the restructuring of previous needs are made to reflect, as widely as possible, on all multicultural groups without endangering the stabilized identity of the society, the better. Yes, subcultures exhibit living experiences that cannot be relinquished in favour of the dominant legal and moral acts of their new society; but varied social values have some reconcilable traits that are capable of being reshaped or connected to generate a striking uniformity. This is the area of human experiences that need to be explored and utilized to streamline the wishy-washy edges of multiculturalism. And this does not presume objective truths in culture but human conformity.

Consider the issue of education. It is, perhaps, the most sensitive area of multiculturalism. If members of subcultures are formally educated in a way that marginalizes their respective principles of life, then this is likely to spawn some kind of inferiority among most of its members, and, of course, frustration. Patterns of belief are largely shaped by the dominant educational system in place. Parental education inculcates unique values in children. Children s search for additional values is largely directed by acquired family values. But parental education does not proceed in isolation; it is wedded to the overall value system that shapes the entire society. Here, educational values play a major role. Am I, the son of an immigrant hence belonging to a subculture - expected to abandon my fundamental values in place of the values of the dominant culture? Since I am a student in my new cultural environment, what role can the school education play in amplifying and solidifying my family values? Does the school system incorporate a study of the accomplishments of leaders from my subculture?

Often, the leaders that students are likely to study and idolize in the classroom come largely from the dominant culture. Is it any wonder, then, that sub-culture students feel inherently humiliated while dominant-culture students get elevated with regard to their respective egos? The question of appropriate assertiveness, confidence, effective body-language skills, among others, that are essential job needs stem largely from this educational panorama. Put differently, dominant-culture students experience a continuous reinforcement of self-esteem unlike sub-culture students. However, exceptions are granted.

School people or analysts who tend to explicate any outstanding dissimilarity between subculture students and their counterparts in terms of levels of structured intelligence will do well to take account of the historical foundations of school curricula and their impact on academic performance. Intelligence, in whichever form this very broad term is viewed, is not culture neutral but tailored to meet the fashioned requirements of the dominant culture. The dominant curricula in school replicate the dominant culture, not subcultures. Subculture students who follow such curricula are trapped in helpless contradictions unless they choose to be fully integrated into the dominant culture. Their thinking and dispositional attitudes proceed as a constant battle, explicit or implied, between the value system of the dominant culture and those of subcultures.

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Besides these complex problems, the population of the dominant culture vis- -vis the subculture tends to diminish in size. Naturally, authorities at high places (from the dominant culture) may use every means necessary to protect their numbers. A common technique may be to clandestinely reserve top-notch jobs for members of its class. What this does is to retain the power dynamics, prevent the subculture population from overshadowing the dominant culture, and, of course, make room to use power as a tool to suppress the agitations of members of the subculture. Employment discrimination, subtle racism, among others, may crop up from this state of affairs. Thus, while many areas of human nature are similar, other areas resist logic in line with humans need to crave for power whenever the object is to promote security in life.

If multiculturalism is unable to undo a dominant culture and give equal credibility to all subcultures, it shows how the principles of multiculturalism stand in need of outright revision in order to cater for the varied forms of social consciousness and value systems.

Multiculturalism is a welcome addition to human dignity. It fosters a better understanding of human kinds. It disintegrates ignorance and distrust between or among human kinds. It builds the edifice of culture on a new ground full of vitality. It supplants the rather dry uniformity of non-multicultural societies. It warns or forbids ignoramuses from being openly discriminatory or racists. It advances the principle that race consciousness may be irrelevant, especially in the light of a global village. It, above all, helps to build international relations in a pleasing direction.

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Maybe, a bold social experiment that uproots the dominant culture in favour of the principle: let us build everything afresh! could engender an encouraging synthesis of laws, mores, education, business, and the rest. This unusual experiment, this untested undeavour, this revolutionary activity, may be far more a blessing than a curse. Maybe, it is time to undertake such an experiment.

About The Author

Mr. Stephen Ainsah-Mensah is a Canadian Educator, Race Relations Consultant, Writer, and Community Projects Coordinator. He has worked in various capacities as an instructor at the post-secondary level in Business courses and Life Skills. Currently, he is the principal of Handan-Lilac Education Group in China.

kamch22@yahoo.ca

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How To Make A Successful Car Accident Claim

 by: Mumtaz Shah

If making a claim for compensation has diluted your thoughts over the years thanks to large corporate companies gone bankrupt. You can now broaden your horizons as that’s history and personal injury compensation has entered a new era.

A car accident is never the same, similar but never the same. So logically a car accident claim can never be the same. Accidents do on the other hand occur in the millions every year, however making a successful compensation claim is difficult to get right if you don t make the right moves.

All Car Accidents Are Unique

There s one thing you need to beware of and that is accident ‘management’ companies either attending the scene or hospital. Theses are salespeople who work on a commission basis. You always have the good and the bad ones. Your job would be to distinguish the good from the bad.

99% of the time, these people will want your injury claim. Even if it means by-passing the small print! Another thing to note is, never listen to previous case success stories. What happened in the last case can t be guaranteed in your case. So don t fall for the money, settlement time or success stories.

Tips To Make A Successful Car Accident Claim

Car accident injury claims are major players in the ‘personal injury litigation’ market. They are straightforward as liability is admitted and vital information is exchanged at the scene. Information such as driver and insurance details, where the accident took place, when and how. If the police attend the scene, both parties will be given a producer, which states that the accident did occur. Further from there it will be logged on the national database for any inquires.

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A ‘quality’ accident solicitor will explain the procedures in ‘full’ and then ask if you have any questions. Don’t ever say NO! You could be falling into a trap.

Do ask these important questions such as

• Will I get the ‘whole’ of my compensation? If yes continue
• Will I need to pay a fee? If no continue
• Do you recover costs from the other side (i.e. people at fault)? If yes continue
• Would I need to pay anyone any money once my claim is settled? If no proceed.

Passengers In A Car Accident

Passengers are innocent victims in a vehicle and can be from either, the fault or non-fault side. Passengers are not in-charge of the vehicle at hand. Therefore they can always make a successful compensation claim provided they have been to a hospital or visited a doctor.

A passenger can be in the form of, a husband, wife, child, cousin or a friend, at fault or not, they are entitled to claim compensation. They can make a claim against the people who have hit them whilst in the car.

Liability acceptance for an accident can cause confusion in itself. Do you think it was your fault?

Either way, you can still make a successful claim!

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If on the other hand you are the driver and it is your fault, then you won t have any success of making a claim, however, the passengers will.

Payment Factors

There are circumstances where compensation payments are reduced for a number of reasons. The most common ones are for not wearing a seat belt, which marginally reduces the payment by 25%. Another major factor is for drink driving. If a passenger knowledgably knew the driver was unfit to drive due to excess intoxication, a reduction will be made accordingly.

There are cases where the driver admits part liability on a proportion basis. Generally it s 50/50, but it needs to be assessed by an investigator who will examine who s at fault before concluding. There are even some cases that result to 80/20.

Decision Dilemmas

You DO NOT need to hold back thinking it was your friend s or family s car. They pay insurance premiums every year to ensure if anything happens, they re covered and so are their passengers. You also need NOT WORRY if you were in a taxi, bus, train or any other form of public transport. You can still proceed with an accident compensation claim, as the drivers are insured, as is the taxi, train and bus driver. Companies pay thousands every year in insurance premiums to cover passengers for these unfortunate accidents and injuries.

On speaking to a quality car accident solicitor will you be able to eliminate doubts in your head about payments, fees and procedures!

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About The Author Mumtaz Shah It’s easy to proceed with a car accident compensation claim and gain maximum results without the hassle, costs and confusion. Discover the 12 revolutions of the new 100% Compensations’ for car accidents at http://www.100Percent-Compensation.co.uk.

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To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-3)

Four of the boys at training tonight are preparing themselves for
their first fight at our forthcoming Christians vs. Lions
promotion, scheduled for only three weeks hence. All of these
lads are boxers.

Three of those four - Joel, Daniel and young Dave - are friends,
finishing their last year of school together. They are a great
example of how guys from different ethnic backgrounds
(Australian, Latin American, and Lebanese respectively) can still
be the best of mates. The fourth guy, Louis, is an enormous
Islander man. I m not sure whether he s Tongan or from the Cook
Islands, but he s a gentle giant really. He reminds me of
Mahendar - a regular here at the Youth Centre. They re both big,
black and burly, but with gentle hearts. Louis has a few years on
the other boys who were there tonight. He s a natural in the
ring, and plays the role of the older brother very well indeed.

These four boys are the cream of our crop in the fight club at
the moment. They are all capable pugilists, but more than that,
they are each a good embodiment of what our club is on about -
courage, integrity, self-discipline and teamwork. This isn t to
say that none of them have ever been troublemakers. Indeed, I ve
got a court appearance coming up with one of the boys, scheduled
for shortly after his fight, and he s on quite serious charges.
Even so, I ve seen nothing but positive growth since he joined
the club, and I m hoping for positive results both in his fight
and in his court case.

What is it that makes fight training such a powerful tool in the
molding of young lives? There was a time when I thought of
fighting as just another form of sport. I have come to believe
though that fight training taps into something deep in the male
psyche, in a way that no other sport does.

When I used to talk to my old girls in the church about the
problems we had with our young people, they often used to say
what we need is another war . I always thought that that was a
terrible thing to say - that a war was the last thing that
anybody wanted. And of course the girls didn t really want a war.
They had just experienced the benefit of being part of a
community that had learnt to pull together through difficult
times. And they had seen the positive effect that soldiering
could have on the lives of young men.

I believe that men were made to fight. It s part of our genetic
makeup. We may have managed to emerge from the jungle, but
there s still a bit of the jungle in each of us, and pugilistic
activity keys right in to those ancient impulses - releasing the
wild man within.

This theory isn t original to me of course. It s part of the
fabric of the Bible - there behind every great warrior-king who
showed himself to be a mighty man of God in battle, and behind
Jacob, who went toe to toe with God Himself and yet lived to talk
about it (Genesis 32)! These were men who knew how to fight and
pray and bleed and serve.

For a more philosophical exposition on the significance of
fighting, we need look no further than Plato s Republic.

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For those who haven t read it, in the Republic Socrates explores
the concept of justice through examining both the just society
and the just individual, and then he goes on to delineate their
common elements. On the societal level he notes that a just
community is made up of a number of vital components parts:
rulers who govern, workers who labour, and an army that functions
to protect them both. In the individual he finds a similar
configuration - the mind that governs the body, the limbs that do
the work, and the themos (which is often translated as temper
or aggression ) that plays a parallel role in protecting the
individual. Justice in the Republic consists in having all of the
component parts (in either individual or society) being present
and working together properly.

In the wisdom of the ancient Greeks then, the themos is the
vital third component in the human constitution, along with the
mind and the body. Without the themos , no individual is
complete, and at a social level, no society will ever achieve a
true state of justice.

It is my opinion that one of the negative legacies of feminism in
Western culture has been an attempt to deny the themos , which
seems to be more strongly present in men than in women. This has
been for the most understandable of reasons - because of the
excesses of male violence. But perhaps it s time that we realised
that trying to eliminate themos from society altogether is like
trying to eliminate spiders and snakes because we find them
distasteful. We soon discover that the created order needs all of
its creatures - even those that some of us find ugly - if it is
to function properly.

My experience with a vast number of men is that they tend to be
either functioning as doormats to their wives and girlfriends, or
they re beating up on them. This is a reflection of the same
crisis in dealing with the themos . When we attempt to repress
the themos , it often spurts out in the most horrible and
destructive of forms. When we successfully repress it, we
emasculate our men, so that they re no longer able to stand up
for anything. Ironically, of course, such modern day men are not
only unable to offer any strength to society. They re no longer
even attractive to the women they sought to please.

The only constructive alternative is for us to reharness the
themos and channel it creatively. We need to get in touch with
that distinctive male energy - recognise it, affirm it, and then
learn to bring it under control so that it can be put to good
use. Perhaps when we are able to do this, then we will see this
country produce leaders of the calibre of Martin Luther King Jr.,
Mother Theresa, or Mahatma Ghandi - strong people of principle
who stand up powerfully for what they believe in. As it is, our
leaders always seem to come across as being either wooses or
criminals or both. God knows we need some real men in this
country who know what it means to love their women, to be fathers
to their children, and to serve God and their community with
their strength!

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Fight training, I do believe, is a means to getting at that
themos and learning to bring it under control. When done in the
right way, fight training can help a young person to discover who
they are and can help them to bring their futures into focus.
They can then come to see their role as warriors in this society
who will stand up and use their energy to build a better
community and to fight for things worth fighting for.

What about these boys who I watched training with me tonight?
Will they go on to become mighty men of God’? I don t know. But
they re on the right track, and they re further ahead now than
when they first started their training..

About the Author

‘Fighting’ Father Dave Smith - Parish Priest, community worker,
professional fighter, father of three.

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Dave is the only Australian in Holy Orders to turn pro boxer to
help fund his work. He is Parish Priest in Dulwich Hill, Sydney,
and has received numerous awards for his work with young people

Get a free preview of his book, ‘Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist’
when you sign up for Dave’s newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

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Are you a member of a club or association? Have you ever thought how much better your letterheads would look with your own club logo? How about a sign for your club with your logo and club name on it?

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Well, it is really very easy to make up your own logo. It will be unique to your club too.

By using your computer and some copyright free clipart you will have a huge range of material to choose from. Here s how to begin this exciting project.

You are going to select suitable objects from the clipart package and use these to design your logo.

Choose things that relate to your club’s activities. For example, cameras, tripod, and film for a photography club. Or perhaps a checked background with a few chess pieces for a chess club.

The easiest way is to open an art/graphics program - most computers come with one. This does not need to be any particular program just whatever you have available.

Have a look through the clipart. This can be the ones that come with the art/graphics program or one of the many clipart CD that are for sale. Try to use copyright free clipart, most clipart is. You will be combining various clipart objects in your final logo so there shouldn’t be any copyright problems anyway.

I like to copy and paste the various clipart objects onto one page in the art program. It saves going back and forth to the clipart. Collect together suitable objects that relate to your club.

Next decide on the shape you would like the logo to be. It could be square, round, arched, even heart shaped.

Open a new page then start with the logo shape and fill it in with a suitable colour. This will depend on the colours of your other objects. If the objects are dark then a light background will be better, and if the objects are mainly light try using a darker background.

Use copy and paste to move the objects onto the page with the logo background. Place your objects onto the background. Resize them to suit the background if necessary.

I like to have some of them overlapping; I think it looks more interesting. When you do this select the one you want to bring to the front, then click on Arrange, then Layer, and bring forward. Your program may be a bit different but it will let you do this - use the Help menu if you need to.

If you want to include the club name, leave room for it when you are placing the objects.

To add the club s name add a Text Box. Type in the club s name. You can use any font you like - there is almost too much choice. Move the text box into the correct position.

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You could use a banner shape from the options in the program and place the club name on it if that would suit your layout.

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Once you have an arrangement you like use the Edit menu to Select All, and then Save it.

You can make several logos with different objects and different layouts. Be sure to Save the ones you like!

Print them out, and take your new logos to the club so that the club members can decide on the best one to use.

It has never been so easy to create your own logo. How about one for yourself or your family?

Add the logo to all your club stationery. Use it on your letterhead, cards, and activity programs. You could even make your own sign.

A good logo will make your club standout from the crowd.

About the Author

Catherine Calder is the author of The Acrylic Painting Course Special Report The Easy Way to Brighten Your Community which gives further information on the easy way to make your own club logo as well as a simple technique for painting a club sign - including your club s name and new logo.
Check out the Special Reports section at http://www.learnanddo.com/acrylic.asp

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